Category: Uncategorized

Before you recommend this charming story about cephalopod companionship to your book club, know that beneath the surface lies a chilling string of gross misdemeanors, OSHA violations, and a breathtaking, final act of Theft in the First Degree.

Let us apply the Revised Code of Washington (RCW) to Tova’s actions.

1. The Traffic Stop Cover-Up (Lying to the Sheriff)

When Sheriff Terry runs the plates on the illegally parked car belonging to Cameron (the “hippy”), Tova directly lies to a sworn officer to protect a stranger, actively interfering with a police investigation into an abandoned, illegally parked vehicle.

• The Crime: Making a False or Misleading Statement to a Public Servant (RCW 9A.76.175) and Obstructing a Law Enforcement Officer (RCW 9A.76.020).
• The Penalty: Both are Gross Misdemeanors. In Washington State, this carries a penalty of up to 364 days in county jail and/or a $5,000 fine.

2. Harboring a Trespasser / Aiding and Abetting

Not only does she lie to the sheriff about Cameron’s car, but Tova also discovers that Cameron has been illegally squatting inside the aquarium’s supply closet. Instead of calling the police or aquarium management about an unauthorized adult sleeping in a facility housing sensitive and dangerous marine life, she keeps his secret and actively helps him.

• The Crime: Criminal Trespass in the First Degree (RCW 9A.52.070) for Cameron, but for Tova, it is Complicity (RCW 9A.08.020). She is legally accountable for the conduct of another by aiding and concealing them.
• The Penalty: Gross Misdemeanor. Up to 364 days in jail and a $5,000 fine.

3. The Octopus Heist (Grand Larceny & Unlawful Transport)

The climax of the story features Tova actively stealing Marcellus from the aquarium and transporting him to the ocean. A mature Giant Pacific Octopus in a commercial aquarium is an incredibly valuable asset, easily exceeding the $5,000 threshold for the highest degree of theft.

• The Crime: Theft in the First Degree (RCW 9A.56.030).
• The Penalty: This is a Class B Felony. It is punishable by up to 10 years in state prison and/or a $20,000 fine.
• Additional Infraction: Unlawful Transport of Wildlife (RCW 77.15.290), which is an additional misdemeanor carrying up to 90 days in jail and a $1,000 fine.

4. Concealing Workplace Safety Breaches (Tampering with Evidence)

Tova repeatedly discovers that Marcellus is escaping his tank, leaving water trails, and eating other exhibits. She actively cleans up the evidence so the aquarium director and security don’t find out.

• The Crime: Tampering with Physical Evidence (RCW 9A.72.150) and Reckless Endangerment (RCW 9A.36.050), as letting a large, venomous marine predator roam freely creates a substantial risk of serious injury to the morning staff.
• The Penalty: Both are Gross Misdemeanors, carrying up to 364 days in jail and a $5,000 fine. Her employer would also face massive OSHA/L&I (Labor & Industries) fines due to her negligence.

5. Reckless Disregard for Her Own Safety (Concealing Workplace Injury)

Tova suffers a significant injury (spraining her ankle) while working alone at night. She hides it from her boss, continues to do heavy physical labor alone, and drives a vehicle with an impaired foot.

• The Legal Consequence: While not strictly a penal code violation to hurt yourself, it is a massive L&I (Labor & Industries) and Workers’ Compensation violation. If discovered, she would be immediately fired for cause due to liability. Driving with a severely sprained ankle could easily result in a Negligent Driving in the Second Degree (RCW 46.61.525) citation, which is a civil traffic infraction carrying a $250 penalty.

6. Mental Fitness, Anthropomorphism, and Paranoia

Tova’s one-sided conversations projecting human intelligence onto a sea creature, her pathological self-isolation, her decades-long shrine to her deceased son, and her irrational, paranoid rush to sell her home to avoid being a “burden.”

• The Legal/Medical Intervention: While grief and eccentricity are not crimes, an outside observer compiling this list of felonies, erratic behavior, and physical self-neglect would likely trigger the Washington State Involuntary Treatment Act (ITA) – Title 71.05 RCW.
• The Penalty: A designated crisis responder (DCR) can detain an individual for a 120-hour involuntary psychiatric hold if they determine the person is “gravely disabled” (unable to care for their essential health and safety needs) or a danger to themselves or others as a result of a behavioral health disorder. Given she is committing felonies for an octopus, a judge would very likely uphold the 120-hour institutionalization for a psychiatric evaluation.

Final Score: 0.002 / 10

This is what happens when you get a highly talented cast of normal looking people. You’re not paying for the all the fluff. Instead, you can use that extra money to buy writers that know a thing or two about grey characters. The end product is an entertaining, not-so-far-fetched Television program.

Final Score: 2.8 / 10

If this show was in American, it would be marginal at best. However, simply by virtue of being Australian, Fisk sky-rockets to the top of my charts.

I think when I asked my robot to generate an image, it used Julia Dreyfus. At this point I can’t tell what’s going on any more. No one can. What we do know is Fisk is excellent. Casting, writing, delivery – no complaints.

Final Score: 2.75 / 10

Season one was excellent. Well worth it. Hit all the right notes. Good on screen talent, fun mysterious plot, plenty of nostalgia. It should have ended there.

The cumulative sum of all five seasons can be described in one word: unbelievable. If Billy doesn’t come out, the world will end. Nancy murdered three American servicemen. After everything is over, the government just shrugs and says “fuck it, we’re not going to pursue this any more”.

Final Score: 0.12 / 10